Creepy Crooks and Cuddly Spooks

Creepy Crooks and Cuddly Spooks,
Where two villains on criminal books.
Taking money and thinking it’s funny,
Oh what a pair of stupid dummies.

Now Creepy Crooks, as stupid as he looks,
Had one arm while the other was a hook.
While Cuddly Spooks had charming looks,
With two left feet and a nose like a rook.

Now these two knew, what they could do,
In life itself as a small crew.
Which made them lazy, as life was easy,
Turning them wild and totally crazy.

Going around, up and down,
Looking to steal in their home town.
As the police knew, about these two,
But could they catch them, well could you.

Watching out, without a doubt,
As they went looking and scouting about.
For what was free or easy you see,
In their world of poverty.

With magic eyes, oh what a surprise,
This was them you must realise.
Finding a bike or was it a trike,
Well something like that is what it looked like.

It had wheels, which they did steal,
Why who knows, what was the deal.
As they took scrap and all that,
Always back to their top flat.

Seeing is believing and doing is achieving,
As they didn’t care about what they where thieving.
It could have been flowers or even a mars,
Or something stupid inside cars.

I know that’s mad, it’s what they had,
Now these two where getting bad.
Until one day, I say, I say,
They messed up, hooray, hooray.

While getting caught, for not a lot,
By the police, oh what a rot.
For stealing gum, now that is dumb,
And the police thought it was fun.

As they did laugh, at what was daft,
By arresting them now in their craft.
Because they saw them break the law,
As their siren went ne naw.

“So its time, for us to shine,
And punish you for this crime”.
Said the police, the slippery geese,
To these two without release.

By taking them in, oh what a sin,
To show them something that’ll wipe their grin.
Well that is life, in sacrifice,
If you do wrong then you’re not nice.

And that was the end of stealing for them,
As they didn’t want to be caught again.
So please take heed, to this we plead,
If you steal you won’t succeed.

As life is tough now sure enough,
And this is definitely no real bluff.
So please say no, now as you grow,
Or you will see where you can go.

And that’s to prison, so will you listen,
Or it’ll be time that you’ll be missing.
Oh yes by far, behind the bars,
All locked up for hours and hours.

There was a young man with aids

There was a young man with aids,

Who wasn’t really afraid,

To step into the light,

To do what’s right,

To save all his comrades.

Dodger Dodger oh where can you be

Dodger Dodger oh where can you be
I’m travelling on busses completely free
Going here, going there, it’s funny you see
I’ve even become a celebrity on T.V.
I’m getting well fed, breakfast and tea
Yet i’m only a cat that loves travelling you see
So listen all cats if you want to be me
Jump on the next bus and enjoy life for free

By Dr Geebers

Owner suprised to find cat regularly catches bus

A pet cat named Dodger is living up to his name - by catching free bus trips from his home town.

Artful Dodger hops off the bus near his home in Bridport, Dorset Photo: Peter Willows/BNPS

9:14AM GMT 15 Dec 2011

The ginger moggy, who was named after the Artful Dodger from Oliver Twist, has taken to hopping on and off the public transport at the bus station near his home.

The 15-year-old Tom even sits on bemused passengers' laps as the bus makes up to 10 mile round trips from Bridport to Charmouth in Dorset.

Dodger is such a regular customer that some of the drivers take tins of cat food to work with them to give to him. They even know what stop to let him off at.

At the end of his journies the roving moggy returns to his home and owner Fee Jeanes.

Mrs Jeanes, 44, believes Dodger first took a liking to the buses as they are warm like greenhouses when the sun is on them.

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But the adventurous pet has since ended up being taken for several rides.
Mrs Jeanes, 44, said: "We moved here 19 months ago and our house backs onto the bus station.
"He is an old boy and is very friendly. At first Dodger kept going to the bus station because people there fed him tit-bits and scraps of food.
"But then he started climbing on board the buses because they are almost like greenhouses when it is sunny.
"Then last week I found out he had travelled to Charmouth and back, which is a 10 mile round trip.
"I hadn't seen him all morning until my daughter Emily told me one of her friends had just seen him on the bus at Charmouth.
"I couldn't believe it and panicked. I got into my car to go off and look for him and then at that moment the bus pulled up near our house and low and behold he got off.
"He had fallen asleep on board and nobody knew about it. When the driver realised he knew who Dodger was and where he lived and kept him on board.
"That afternoon I saw Dodger climb on board another bus and I rushed to tell the driver.
"I was shocked when she told me Dodger was always on there and liked to sit on the seats because they are warm from where people have been sitting.
"The drivers buy cat food for him and he sits on people's laps.
"Sometimes he just sits in the middle of the road and waits for the bus to turn up before he gets on."
Dodger is familiar to regular bus passengers and drivers, but Mrs Jeanes still receives several calls a week asking if she has lost a ginger cat.
A spokesman for bus firm First said they didn't mind Dodger on their buses but didn't actively encourage him.
He said: "The drivers have been asked not to feed it because we recognise that cat has an owner and we do not want to discourage it from returning home for food and shelter, but in principle we do not have a problem with it being around the bus station.
"Given this cat is elderly we suspect it would be eligible for free travel, perhaps a bus puss, if such a thing existed."

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What are these?

Jesus Christ oh flipping mighty

Jesus Christ oh flipping mighty

 Put his hand up my mothers nighty

Then he put it in and wiggled it about

Then all of a sudden there was a shout

Awe naw what you do to me

Stop it stop it its not free

Awe naw thats not right

You can't show me the bloody light

Even though you hit the spot

Oh Jesus please flipping stop

With a quivering explosion which was good

Of pure excitement and now shes nude

Bending over touching her toes

Taking it as juices flows

In and out in a rythmical way

Oh flipping hell Jesus what can I say

Oh oh oh what you doing to me

I'm cumming I'm cumming oh Jesus you see

I believe you I believe you and everything you say

Oh please keep on going to the end of the day

With the gushing of semen flowing so fine

Oh Jesus Christ has blown her mind

With absolute pleasure, evil and sin

So flipping hell Jesus you bloody well win

For your Jesus Christ who we pray to each night

And you gave me a good time and I seen the light

As you banged me none stop and I love you

So please come back and I'll give you a blow

MY COMIC VERSE

Money, money, money,
Yummy, yummy, yummy,

Completely insane,
Or is it funny.
Making us see,
Including now me,
Comedy can come,

Violently, free.
Even with glitches,
Resulting in riches,
Surely or not,
Everyone’s in stitches.

By Dr. Geebers.

The unbelievable pain,

The unbelievable pain,

We have to go through,

Before we flush the chain,

In a portable lue.

It’s crazy it’s said,

When it’s put on its side,

Which is no bed,

Or rollercoaster ride.

Especially when drunk,

After a good drink,

Which bloody well stunk,

Well that’s what I think.

Or did I have a poo,

That was slightly blue,

Well that could be true,

But it covered me too.

So what did occur,

When I shut that door,

In a world so blur,

Was I on its floor?

And if I was,

I want to know why,

For there’s no cause,

For a person to be fly.

So tell me please,

What happened my friend?

Was I drunk on my knees?

And twisted round the bend.

And if I was,

I want to know why,

For there’s no cause,

For a person to be fly.

By Dr Geebers

Liar, liar, tumble dryer

Liar, liar, tumble dryer

Going around with your drum on fire

Giving abuse you stupid moose

Wait till I put your head in a noose

Liar, liar, tumble dryer

Making noises like a deep fat fryer

Spinning yarns as big as barns

Wait till I cut of your bloody arms

Liar, liar, tumble dryer

Going around like a great big tire

Telling lies with dreadful cries

Wait till I cut out your bloody eyes

Liar, liar, tumble dryer

Your voice is becoming higher and higher

What have I said, I’ll cut of your head

Well what’s the point you’re bloody well dead

By Dr Geebers

“What do you want for Christmas?”

“What do you want for Christmas?”
Santa asked me
As I sat silently
Right upon his knee

One grown man
Or should I say bloke
Completely drunk
Just having a joke

Then I burped suddently
Not a good sign
Being a stupid idiot
While passing the time

Not knowing the security
Was called on me
When I began to choke
And was sick on Santa’s knee

Oh what a state
With a smell so pure
Which stunk out the place
Yet I wasn’t sure

Till I woke up in a cell
Wet completely through
With a banging headache
But what did I do?

I didn’t know
Yet I had a good time
That got more exspensive
With a £100 fine

So please take heed this Christmas
When you have a drink
Don’t do what I did
So please take note and think

Is it really worth it
Being on Santa’s knee
Of course it is people
Just don’t be sick like me

 

There was a young lad, who did linger,

There was a young lad, who did linger,

While pointing out with his finger,

So along came a hatchet,

And cut it and scratched it,

And now he looks like a dead singer.

By Dr Geebers

There was a young man, who was bold,

There was a young man, who was bold,

That was dying so he was told,

So he wrote out a will,

For his son Bill,

To leave him his bloody well cold.

By Dr Geebers

There was a young man who was daft,

There was a young man who was daft,

Who built an invisible raft,

To float on the sea,

To say Jesus was he,

But it flipped, he drowned and they laughed.

By Dr Geebers

There was a young man, who was old,

There was a young man, who was old,

Who got a real bad cold?

When coughing away,

And sneezing each day,

His bogies became solid as gold.

By Dr Geebers

Fiddle Sticks

Fiddle sticks
Fancy chicks
People doing
Awesome tricks

Get the fix
Spraying bricks
People creating
The ulimate mix

Finger flicks
Getting clicks
People wondering
Hope it sticks

Money ticks
Brains mix
People want
The ultimate fix

By Dr Geebers

There Was A Young Man With A Beard

There was a young man with a beard,

Who vanished and disappeared,

Into the sky,

But who knows why,

As everyone else they cheered.

By Dr Geebers

There Was A Young Man With A Bike

There was a young man with a bike,

Who rode it without a light,

When up a tree,

A monkey did see,

And sprinkled him with some delight.

By Dr Geebers

Crazy Nut Saves The Day

Crazy Nut was a bad little boy,
Who liked to pick on others?
Due to power he did enjoy,
Along with his team of brothers.

Until this day when out of the blue,
He seen an old lady in trouble,
This made him think what should I do,
Which really burst his bubble.

With all his anger deep inside,
He thought of his poor mammy,
Then all of a sudden he replied,
In a way which sent him balmy.

Running in with all his might,
He grabbed this guy by the collar,
And punched him twice, oh yes that’s right,
Even though he was taller.

“W hat are you doing you stupid brat”.
He shouted at the top of his voice,
“I hope you know you don’t do that”.
He said without a choice.

“You shouldn’t pick on vulnerable ones,
Who cannot defend for themselves”.
He shouted aloud in front of some nuns.
While dragging him through some shelves.

“Now apologize for what you’ve done,
You dopey little buffoon,
Before I kick you around for fun,
From here right to the moon”.

“I’m sorry Miss, I didn’t mean it,
I hope that you’re ok”.
Said the guy as he stumbled a bit,
While trying to get away.

“Where are you going you piece of dirt?
I’m not finished with you”.
Yelled Crazy Nut to the little jerk,
While phoning the police now to.

“Oh thank you son, you are kind,
For stopping and helping me out”.
“That’s no problem you will find,
For that’s what I’m about”.

Then with that the police came too,
And arrested the stupid big guy,
While doing, what they had to do,
And that’s no word of a lie.

Even though Crazy Nut was bad,
In many a different way,
The Police thanked him for being a lad,
And for saving this women this day.

By Dr Geebers