Here Comes Santa

Oh dear no

Not again

Here comes Santa

With half a brain

Through the snow

Sleet and rain

Delivering presents

He must be in sane

With a bottle of brandy

And a big zoot too

As the reindeer's unite

Watching what the elf's do

As they pass it around

To one another

Oh yes a big bong

But why do they bother

Well to be honest

If you do a good deed

And are a true artist

Then you will succeed

For money means nothing

But surely does help

Yet the UK is exspensive

And in the pocket its felt

Yet some of us work for free

By busking on the street

To hopefully pay for accomadation

And maybe something to eat

Which isn't good

So don't be surprised

If people walking past us

Give us evil eyes

Sinking in deep

Right to your soul

As you try to change things around

To simply achieve your goal

One day it may happen

In a really crazy way 

As you become an artist

Who simply makes it I say

So never ever give up

Because it could happen to you

You could be up there with Santa

Who's a legend too

Along with his rendeer's

And elf's its true

Says me Dr Geebers

So how do you do

 

Bad boy Santa

Hey you

Can you hear what I say

Santa's a pain in the ass

And he's flipping gay

I caught him the other night

With his trousers down

Giving some bloke a blow job

In some dirty fucking town

And Ruddolf he's a wanker

Didn't you fucking know

For using his red nose

To give Santa an awesome show

And all his little Elfs

Started singing christmas songs

As they skinned up joints

And passed the bong along

All getting high

While enjoying life too

Now this is the real Santa

And his bad boy crew

Who go out theifing

To get presents gallore

No much wonder the worlds suffering

And no one will open their door

That's why he's a fat bastard

Who ate all the pies

Because he's not stupid

He just fed us all lies

Giving us all hope

At this festive time of year

But he's really a bad boy criminal

Do you all hear

So don't listen to him

The pathetic fucking cunt

For he's nothing special

And that's putting it blunt

So if he comes to your door

With presents in his hand

You know their all ripped off

Do you fucking understand

And the police will come knocking

With a present of their own

And that's a night in the cells

So don't you fucking moan

Because you have been warned

All about this evil man

Who's a fucking well legend

With one awesome fucking plan



Santa Claus

Santa Claus
Where are you?
Santa Claus
What can you do?

Climbing down chimneys
One two three
Crawling through letter boxes
Simply for free

Putting smiles
On many a face
But we are not sure
If your from outer space

Because Santa Claus
The kids love you
Along with your reindeer's
That fly so true

Over the roof tops
Right to our door
In your big red suite
That we all adore

Along with your sleigh
In perfect flow
Gliding through air
Sliding through snow

Bringing us presents
One two three
We love you Santa
Says everyone like me

Santa Santa why are you fat?

Santa Santa why are you fat?
Did you eat a cat in a hat?
Or an elephant down on his knees
Is it true Santa Oh tell us please

Santa Santa Why are you so fat?
Was it mince pies that did that?
Or was it the booze or all the cheese
Is it true Santa oh tell us please

Santa Santa why are you so fat?
Did you eat a dragon a dirty old bat?
Or was it the children you ate with ease
Is it true Santa oh tell us please

By Dr Geebers

“What do you want for Christmas?”

“What do you want for Christmas?”
Santa asked me
As I sat silently
Right upon his knee

One grown man
Or should I say bloke
Completely drunk
Just having a joke

Then I burped suddently
Not a good sign
Being a stupid idiot
While passing the time

Not knowing the security
Was called on me
When I began to choke
And was sick on Santa’s knee

Oh what a state
With a smell so pure
Which stunk out the place
Yet I wasn’t sure

Till I woke up in a cell
Wet completely through
With a banging headache
But what did I do?

I didn’t know
Yet I had a good time
That got more exspensive
With a £100 fine

So please take heed this Christmas
When you have a drink
Don’t do what I did
So please take note and think

Is it really worth it
Being on Santa’s knee
Of course it is people
Just don’t be sick like me

 

There was a young boy called Ranta

There was a young boy called Ranta
Who liked to drink cans of Fanta
When along came a coke
Dressed up for a joke
Trying to say he was Santa

By Dr Geebers

Elfie Dees Christmas Tree

Early one morning as Santa awoke,
With Christmas a coming, oh what a big joke.
While Elfie Dee had a problem you see,
With his family’s Christmas tree.

He left it outside with Rudolf and friends,
Who trampled on it and now it just bends.
Thinking oh no, what could he do,
He thought he would write a letter like you.

So of he went searching to get some paper,
To write this letter for Santa later.
“Oh dear Santa”, is how he began,
“I know you are a busy man.

But I have a problem of main concern,
Which has taught me a lesson in life to learn?
And that is Santa you can’t trust friends,
Like Rudolf and Prancer now in the end.

You see now Santa I’m good to you,
For helping these children that need it to.
Which I don’t mind, no not at all,
For they need help I do recall.

But Rudolf and his little friends,
Destroyed my tree and now it bends.
So could you help me, please you see,
To try and get a Christmas tree.

Oh please Santa if you could,
I know that I am being rude.
But I can not afford another,
And neither can my little brother.

So could you help me please I beg,
It’s for my family, its not a blag.
To give them joy and fun you see,
As Christmas is not Christmas without tree.

Oh thank you Santa you’re the one,
That could make our Christmas fun”.
Wrote Elfie Dee as proud as can be,
Thinking of Christmas without a tree.

“Now I’ll post this through his door,
So it lands nice on his floor,
And maybe he will read and weep,
Before he finally goes to sleep”.

Said Elfie Dee out loud you see,
Thinking of Christmas without a tree.
As he walked down his quiet street,
To Santa’s house being discreet.

When getting there he tip toed slow,
Up his path I hope you know.
While being quiet with every step,
No not a sound, no not yet.

Then popped the letter through his door,
And heard it slide across the floor.
Hitting something way inside,
“Oh thank you Lord”. Elfie cried.

As he walked back to his house,
While being so quiet like a mouse.
Until he said it out of the blue,
“Please help me Lord, please will you”.

“Oh what’s this now”? Santa said,
Scratching away at the top of his head.
A letter for me at this time of night,
It couldn’t be, that’s not right.

So he sat down and read the letter,
From Elfie Dee in his old sweater.
“Oh that’s not right” now Santa said,
To his wife before going to bed.

“I’ll have to help him the poor young sod”,
“Yes you will”. His wife did nod.
“As its not Christmas without a tree,
Now isn’t it now my dear you see”.

“Yes your right, I will see him,
For asking for help isn’t a sin.
As I would do the except same thing,
If I needed help with anything”.

Then the very next day when Santa awoke,
He remembered the letter and began to choke.
“Let’s see, let’s see, poor Elfie Dee,
I will get you a Christmas tree”.

Said Santa to his lovely wife,
As he mentioned about Elfie’s strife.
“I got to help him don’t you see,
For he is always helping me”.

“I know you do my darling dear,
And it’s not nice what’s happened here.
For Elfie Dee you see you see,
Thinking about a Christmas tree”.

So Santa went and bought him one,
And took it round to him for fun.
So he could get it straight away,
To see what he would really say.

Knock, knock, knock. “Are you in”.
Shouted Santa to the ones within.
“Come on Elfie and get your tree,
That you forgot to pick up you see”.

“Oh sorry Santa, it’s only you,
Oh thank you mate for helping me to”.
Said Elfie Dee so fancy free,
To get his family a Christmas tree.

“That’s no worry my little friend,
I don’t mind now in the end.
For Christmas is the time to be jolly,
With Christmas trees and wreaths of holly.

By Dr Geebers