Showing posts with label christmas tree. Show all posts
Showing posts with label christmas tree. Show all posts

Sunday, 15 December 2013

Bad boy Santa


Hey you
Can you hear what I say
Santa's a pain in the ass
And he's flipping gay

I caught him the other night
With his trousers down
Giving some bloke a blow job
In some dirty fucking town

And Ruddolf he's a wanker
Didn't you fucking know
For using his red nose
To give Santa an awesome show

And all his little Elfs
Started singing christmas songs
As they skinned up joints
And passed the bong along

All getting high
While enjoying life too
Now this is the real Santa
And his bad boy crew

Who go out theifing
To get presents gallore
No much wonder the worlds suffering
And no one will open their door

That's why he's a fat bastard
Who ate all the pies
Because he's not stupid
He just fed us all lies

Giving us all hope
At this festive time of year
But he's really a bad boy criminal
Do you all hear

So don't listen to him
The pathetic fucking cunt
For he's nothing special
And that's putting it blunt

So if he comes to your door
With presents in his hand
You know their all ripped off
Do you fucking understand

And the police will come knocking
With a present of their own
And that's a night in the cells
So don't you fucking moan

Because you have been warned
All about this evil man
Who's a fucking well legend
With one awesome fucking plan


Wednesday, 21 December 2011

Elfie Dees Christmas Tree

Early one morning as Santa awoke,
With Christmas a coming, oh what a big joke.
While Elfie Dee had a problem you see,
With his family’s Christmas tree.

He left it outside with Rudolf and friends,
Who trampled on it and now it just bends.
Thinking oh no, what could he do,
He thought he would write a letter like you.

So of he went searching to get some paper,
To write this letter for Santa later.
“Oh dear Santa”, is how he began,
“I know you are a busy man.

But I have a problem of main concern,
Which has taught me a lesson in life to learn?
And that is Santa you can’t trust friends,
Like Rudolf and Prancer now in the end.

You see now Santa I’m good to you,
For helping these children that need it to.
Which I don’t mind, no not at all,
For they need help I do recall.

But Rudolf and his little friends,
Destroyed my tree and now it bends.
So could you help me, please you see,
To try and get a Christmas tree.

Oh please Santa if you could,
I know that I am being rude.
But I can not afford another,
And neither can my little brother.

So could you help me please I beg,
It’s for my family, its not a blag.
To give them joy and fun you see,
As Christmas is not Christmas without tree.

Oh thank you Santa you’re the one,
That could make our Christmas fun”.
Wrote Elfie Dee as proud as can be,
Thinking of Christmas without a tree.

“Now I’ll post this through his door,
So it lands nice on his floor,
And maybe he will read and weep,
Before he finally goes to sleep”.

Said Elfie Dee out loud you see,
Thinking of Christmas without a tree.
As he walked down his quiet street,
To Santa’s house being discreet.

When getting there he tip toed slow,
Up his path I hope you know.
While being quiet with every step,
No not a sound, no not yet.

Then popped the letter through his door,
And heard it slide across the floor.
Hitting something way inside,
“Oh thank you Lord”. Elfie cried.

As he walked back to his house,
While being so quiet like a mouse.
Until he said it out of the blue,
“Please help me Lord, please will you”.

“Oh what’s this now”? Santa said,
Scratching away at the top of his head.
A letter for me at this time of night,
It couldn’t be, that’s not right.

So he sat down and read the letter,
From Elfie Dee in his old sweater.
“Oh that’s not right” now Santa said,
To his wife before going to bed.

“I’ll have to help him the poor young sod”,
“Yes you will”. His wife did nod.
“As its not Christmas without a tree,
Now isn’t it now my dear you see”.

“Yes your right, I will see him,
For asking for help isn’t a sin.
As I would do the except same thing,
If I needed help with anything”.

Then the very next day when Santa awoke,
He remembered the letter and began to choke.
“Let’s see, let’s see, poor Elfie Dee,
I will get you a Christmas tree”.

Said Santa to his lovely wife,
As he mentioned about Elfie’s strife.
“I got to help him don’t you see,
For he is always helping me”.

“I know you do my darling dear,
And it’s not nice what’s happened here.
For Elfie Dee you see you see,
Thinking about a Christmas tree”.

So Santa went and bought him one,
And took it round to him for fun.
So he could get it straight away,
To see what he would really say.

Knock, knock, knock. “Are you in”.
Shouted Santa to the ones within.
“Come on Elfie and get your tree,
That you forgot to pick up you see”.

“Oh sorry Santa, it’s only you,
Oh thank you mate for helping me to”.
Said Elfie Dee so fancy free,
To get his family a Christmas tree.

“That’s no worry my little friend,
I don’t mind now in the end.
For Christmas is the time to be jolly,
With Christmas trees and wreaths of holly.

By Dr Geebers